I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
