I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
