I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
