I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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