If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
