Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Randomize
