the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
