ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
