last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize