Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Text me some of your sweat
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