dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
