Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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