What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
