tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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