I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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