Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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