I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
