I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
