What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
