Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
