we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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