i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
