That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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