He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize