YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
