how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
