You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
