I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
