you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
