i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
