Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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