the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize