just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
