you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
