coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
