my mouth tastes like poor choices
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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