Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I queefed so loud it echoed.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
