Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i drank out of a bidet.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize