Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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