he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
