I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
