Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
