Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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