I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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