apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize