I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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