I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
