I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
