I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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