it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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