Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
