I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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