i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
