I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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