I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he fucked my hip out of place.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I stole a fireplace last night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
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