My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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