My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
