I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
