you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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