he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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