u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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