Porn is love you can see.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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