Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
no you cant smoke seaweed
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
