I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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