i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
