You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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