He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
