I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
