RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I forget how to act sober
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