suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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