remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
